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ADULTERY IN DIVORCE |
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My spouse is committing adultery. I can prove it. Doesn't this mean that I get the whole kit and caboodle - - the house, the kids, everything? |
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You mean to say that there is no price to pay for major wrongdoing like adultery? |
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But my husband spent a lot of money on his girlfriend. Can that be recouped? |
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But what about custody of the children and visitation rights? Doesn't adultery count? |
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I suspect my spouse of infidelity. Should I hire a private investigator? |
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Are there ways other than a private investigator to find evidence of an extramarital affair? |
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Can my marriage survive an affair? |
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Can you recommend any good books for helping me to determine if my spouse is involved in an affair? |
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| Q: |
My spouse is committing adultery. I can prove it. Doesn't this mean that I get the whole kit and caboodle - - the house, the kids, everything? |
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No. It means you have grounds for divorce, but as a matter of law not much beyond that. The Illinois divorce law is "no fault." As to all the economic elements of a divorce, such as property distribution, maintenance (alimony), child support, the law prescribes that these awards be made "without regard to marital misconduct." |
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| Q: |
You mean to say that there is no price to pay for major wrongdoing like adultery? |
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Yes, this flies in the face of what we have been taught, that there is a price to pay for wrongdoing. The Bible states: "The wages of sin is death.",* but such is not the case in divorce court. |
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| Q: |
But my husband spent a lot of money on his girlfriend. Can that be recouped? |
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Yes. This involves the concept known as "dissipation." If he spent marital funds (funds earned during the marriage) for a purpose not related to the marriage (on the girlfriend) during a time when there were irreconcilable differences in the marriage, the money he spent has to be put back into the marital pot for division by the divorce judgment. |
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| Q: |
But what about custody of the children and visitation rights? Doesn't adultery count? |
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Possibly. The child custody statute has another "no fault" provision. It states that the court is not to consider the conduct of a present or proposed custodian that does not affect that spouse's relationship to the child. Thus if the affair is a discreet one and the children are not affected by it, it does not enter into the custody-visitation issue. In fact, however, most judges will not tolerate a custodial parent who has a non-marital live-in relationship. Also, most judges will not tolerate the visiting parent having an nonrelated person of the opposite gender staying overnight at times when the children are also staying overnight. |
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| Q: |
I suspect my spouse of infidelity. Should I hire a private investigator? |
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No, not usually. As shown above, there is no economic advantage to establishing adultery, and private investigators are expensive. If you are considering hiring a private investigator, check with your lawyer first and have your lawyer control fees that are to be paid to the private investigator. |
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| Q: |
Are there ways other than a private investigator to find evidence of an extramarital affair? |
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Yes. The places to check are telephone bills (especially cell phones), credit card bills, e-mail, briefcases, and the trunk of your spouse's car. This is usually where incriminating evidence can be found. |
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| Q: |
Can my marriage survive an affair? |
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Yes. My experience is that most marriages survive infidelity, but it usually takes counseling to work out the kinks and reset the marriage. |
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| Q: |
Can you recommend any good books for helping me to determine if my spouse is involved in an affair? |
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Yes. Adultery: Facing Its Reality, by William F. Mitchell, Jr. Available at Amazon.com. This book says the signs of an affair are:
- Defensive behavior.
- Changes in affection and sexual activity
- Financial woes
- Communication problems
- Unexplained absence
- Need to be alone
- Pattern and lifestyle changes
- Wardrobe renovation
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* The full text of the Biblical passage is "The wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life." So there is also a bit of "no-fault" in the scriptures. God is also forgiving. |
